Qualities I Desired In A Husband

I remember back in 2007 when I got divorced, I cried and I got rebellious and when I say rebellious I mean it in every way of the meaning of Rebellious. It was in 2011 that I started reflecting on my life; deep down inside I wanted to have the perfect marriage, a family, someone I can be proud of and that person would be proud of me as well.  Someone that I can cook for, clean for and make them happy (yes, I wanted to be a wife).

(Me in Puerto Rico 2011)

 One night I began to pray, and I decided to write on my journal a list of the qualities I wanted in a man.  And I made myself sure that I had those same qualities as well.   I knew for a fact that he would not have all the qualities on my list, but if he had more than 50% I would be more than happy and willing to marry that man of course that was with the approval of God, and my parents.  Now some may say “parents” -- “but you are divorced and in your 30’s why would parents have to approve?”  In my case, I DO take decisions based on my believes but even though I’m in my 30’s I always seek my parents approval in some of my decisions.

Here’s my 2011 list:

He must love JESUS

He must be clean

He must be faithful

He must be sensitive

He must be affectionate

He must be a hard worker

He must be a family person

He must be secure of himself

He must have a positive attitude 

He must not have a temper or aggressive

He must make me his priority (after Jesus of course)

He must be attractive (white, tall, black hair, well dressed, always smelling good)

He must remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (a lil gift wouldn't be bad either) 

He must not be a sexist (a person that believes that a woman was born to serve them)

He must be a gentlemen (yes I’m old school, I like the open doors, holding hands kinda stuff)

I knew I wasn't going to get all of these qualities, you see I always use to say that physically he had to have black hair and I ended up with a red head (bald), with tons of freckles which I love. 

Although God granted me basically all the specifications I was looking in a man, I have to say marriage is not as easy as it looks.  If you let yourself go by what you see on the media (facebook/twitter) you will drive yourself nuts when you get married.  See, people put on a facade of how their marriage is peaches and cream.  Well sorry to break it to ya but IT IS NOT.   You will have differences (remember you are both two different individuals), you will fight or have a discussion if you want to put it pretty (as long as there is no violence involved) I’d say you can past the test. 

And REMEMBER:

1.  Dating/Courting is not the same as marriage.  When you’re courting you may see some of the flaws of that person; but when you’re married, when you live with that person 24/7 you get to see basically all of them.  It’s just a matter of focusing on the good things, having great communication and keep in mind YOU HAVE FLAWS TOO.

2.  Marriage is sacred.  Don’t let a third party give their opinion, and NEVER open doors to temptation.  My mom would always say “The Devil Is A Pig” and indeed she is right.  You will have situations where either you want to get out, you’ll be tempted by others to do things.  When these things happen PRAY, PRAY & PRAY.

3.  Marriage is like a roller-coaster you will definitely have your ups and downs – just make the best out of it and enjoy the ride.

I have a thing with duck faces lol

Letting God Take Over My Life

Yesterday was a horrible day for me; I was all tears for so many reasons.  For starters this is my first thanksgiving away from my family, and what has been breaking me down the most and I've been trying to hide it, is the fact of not being able to conceive.  I at times hold my head up high and I let everyone know I have faith that some day we will become parents, but deep down my heart is broken into so many little pieces.  And yesterday was the breakdown for me.  I had so many things in my head, from family, marriage and baby issues.  And while I was working I kept on saying WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT FROM ME LORD? Funny part I never thought he would answer.  He answered me through so many people I cried even more.  See I’m a very open person, throughout the years I've learned that saying the truth is worth so much more than lying.  So lately I was questioning my faith and God’s existence. I was so angry on how life is.  I questioned the fact that there are so many women that have unwanted babies, kills them, and rapes them; and yet here we desire a family and nothing happens.  How could this be possible?  Why these things happen? Where is God when things like this are happening?  Why us?  These were all my questions, I was angry, I was depressed, and crying, you name it there is no words to describe how I've been feeling.  But like I said; yesterday was the day my Lord answered all my questions.

Below is the sequence of how He answered.  I’m amazed and I have asked for forgiveness so many times because I doubted.  I doubted the Lord, I doubted His promise, and I doubted His existence.  

In short words my cousin told me she would carry my baby

Then my friend Marieliz posted this on Instagram

My other friend Michelle posted this on her Facebook 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

 And to end the night a Pastor I follow on Facebook posted this

Then I had other situations disturbing my head, I was emotionally wrecked and between conversations with my mother and my friend I felt a lot better.  See in just one day I received so many messages from different people and I know for a fact it was God talking to me.  As I’m typing tears just come out because I’m just simply amazed on how wonderful God is.  I can say that I’m still emotionally broken but for the first time after so many years I can say I have accepted Christ not just by words but by heart, I have accepted Him to rule and take over my life.  I have accepted Him to do His will.  Let Him take charge of my life and let me obey what He has for my life.  My Dad always told me to kneel down and pray and I would say “yes yes I will” but then I would forget or simply didn't want too, and for the first time yesterday I got on my knees and prayed.  Like I said in a previous post of mine I don’t know what plans the Lord has for me, but I will patiently wait, pray and have faith that He will provide in His own way. 

Happy Wednesday, Happy Long Day Weekend & most important Happy Thanksgiving!!!