Our Third Anniversary

Today marks three years since I married the love of my life.  I still remember how crazy it was.  From traveling "for vacation" to "bring all your ID cards".  It was on a sunny Friday that we went to get "information" at the court house and ended up getting married.  I still remember how everyone would lecture me on how crazy we did things and how we didn't think things through.  
But if I had to do it all over again I would do it exactly the same with no sort of difference.  I married my best friend, my soul mate the man I prayed God for.  And we've been through some really interesting ups and downs but we've fought them together.  
There is nothing in this world that I would change from my marriage but there is one thing I pray for everyday and every night.  OUR MIRACLE BABY!!!
So baby Happy 3rd Anniversary and praying for a lifetime of anniversaries with you.  
Te Amo

A Letter To My Husband On His 33 Birthday

Dear J:
I might not say it as often or even show you but I really do love you with all my heart and soul.  When I prayed to God for what I considered a perfect husband in my life their He was making me fall in love with you.  
I just want you to know that I am extremely proud to call you my husband and I wouldn't change anything in my life.  God has a purpose in our marriage and I know soon you will be granted the desire to be a Father.  And when that moment comes you'll be the best Dad our miracle baby or babies will have.  
Although your birthday was yesterday I wanted to capture some moments of your special day before I even wrote this post.  So my darling I wish you once again the best birthday, tons of blessings, and may our Lord grant you each and every desire your heart has.  I love you for ever.  
Happy Birthday
P.S.  Here are some memories from your 33rd birthday!

Dinner at our favorite Sushi Restaurant 

Drinks for the night!!!

Birthday Cake

A special thanks for our new Italian Family.  They have been a true blessing in our lives ever since we moved here.  

Hubs gift from me!!!

2015: Relationship

Ever since we hit 2015 I've been thinking and reflecting on my life.  I expected some things to happen in my marriage (like our desire to have a baby), on my family and all the disputes and disappointments, my friends and so on.  So this year I chose the word RELATIONSHIP.  I want and need to grow my relationships in so many different areas:

My Relationship with GOD

I want a deeper relationship with God, I want to grow and learn and see God how he wants me to see him, as a healer, forgiver, a God of miracles.  Last year after ttc for 8 months and having 2 failed IUI's I got so mad at God that I began to question His existence. I struggled with this for 2 months.  I still have so much pain deep inside not only because of the fact that I can’t have babies but it goes beyond this situation.  I don’t know how to forgive and that’s one thing I’m praying for since day 1 of this New Year.

My Relationship with my HUSBAND

I don’t want to go deep into it because it’s very personal but I want and need to change some areas in our relationship.  I realized I haven’t healed completely from the pain they caused me in my previous relationship and I’m bringing it to my marriage.  God has given me a very patient man and I’m more than grateful for that.  But I want to focus on the word trust when it comes to J.  I have been reading The Power of a Praying Wife and so far I have been loving it.

My Relationship with my FAMILY

God knows how I wish we were all closer and we had no drama.  And this is coming from close to extended family.  I am extremely close to my mother and father.  But in the past years I see how disputes has become in to not talking to each other type of relationship between sisters, cousins, aunts and so on.  And I want to work on my part to not be this type of a person.

My Relationship with my FRIENDS

Being in a military family it is hard to be “close” to friends.  I left behind my friends in Puerto Rico when I relocated to North Carolina.  And now I leave my friend for two years to relocate yet again.  I want to develop a relationship where they know that even in distance I’m there and that I care.  I love them so much and I miss them every day.  And I just want to keep in touch weather if it’s by email, mail, social media, etc.  I just need to let them know that I’m there. 

A Letter To My Husband On Our Second Anniversary

My dearest J

Unfortunately we will not be able to share our second anniversary or exchange any kind of gifts due to long distance, so I have chosen to write you a post since I know you are my #1 reader. 

Two years ago today, on a hot yet beautiful day, we drove all the way to the courthouse in jeans and a t-shirt looking for information little did we know that a couple of minutes later we were saying I DO.  We promised to spend the rest of our lives together, to love each other during good and bad times. 

And today September 7^th, 2014, two years later I can say that I will always keep this promise.  Please forgive me for the times when I would not be patient; forgive me for the constant nagging,  forgive me for the times I haven’t been kind, when my tongue has been quicker and sharper than my head and my heart, forgive me when I forget to be humble.  And finally, forgive me for the times I did not trust you, and the times I look to the future with worry instead of hope and faith. 

Thank you for keeping me stabled, for helping me understand the beauty of love.  Thank you for being on this journey with me, thank you for loving me and respecting me and my family.  Thank you for protecting me from those who tried to break us down.

Two years ago I made the best decision of my live without any hesitation in my mind.  I knew God put you in my life for a reason.  Today I get to say that I am the happiest woman in the world and I do not regret becoming Mrs. M.  Our marriage is an adventure, so thank you M, thank you for giving me glimpses of the Lord’s love for me, thank you for loving Knela, thank you for loving me and thank you for just being you. 

If I had to do this all over again I would certainly do it a million times of course with you.  And I pray that God protects you always and may He be with you during your classes; in the end I k now you will graduate AIT and I know you will be so happy.  I love you my dear husband and future daddy of our miracle soon to come baby. 

Always and forever yours!!! 

Happy Birthday To My Eternal Lover

He turns 32 today, the man I have the privilege of calling my husband. 

J, I am so grateful that I get to call you mine. You love me in a way I often don’t deserve; you are the roots for my heart.   With you I am at rest and in peace, I am not afraid.  When you’re away my heart longs for you like a homesick child. Our life has had some ups and downs, but this journey with you is a rich blessing, and there’s no one else I would want by my side; and I definitely would not change not even on tiny portion of what our marriage is and I am more than proud of being your wife. 

Today, as we celebrate you, I want you to know that I love you with more depth and passion each passing day and forever!

Marriage Retreat & Mixed Emotions

Have you ever felt so empty that words cannot describe exactly how you feel?  Well this was me on Friday.  I felt as if I were in this deep dark hole where I can’t get out of and I’d have to say that I feel I don’t have any more tears.  I barely told anyone but on Friday June 6 I had my first IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) and although everything went well that day that two week wait had me anxious.  On Friday June 20 early in the morning I had to get my blood test done to see if the IUI worked.  After I got home I was finishing packing our stuff for our 1-325 Air Marriage Retreat that my husband took me too.  Every time the phone rang we would stop what we were doing to check the caller id just to get a false alarm.  Then while driving for almost 2 hours to get to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina we finally got that famous call we were waiting for; just to here that the test came back negative.  For some reason I had a feeling that it had not worked but I did not think I would hurt as much as I did, and my husband’s facial expressions hurt me more.  I knew he was hurting as much as I was.  I tried not to cry in front of him but what the hell he’s seen me at my worst. 

Once we arrived to our Hotel and we met in the conference room with all the other soldiers and their spouses we had dinner and began the couple’s session. I have to give it to my husband he made this weekend unforgettable, we had so much fun between the retreat and our little mini vacation adventure.  We went to the Boardwalk , Ripleys Aquarium  and Medieval Times.  I laughed so much eating at this place because my husband was so excited he laughed, he yelled, he got up oh gosh he just was like a little kid with a new toy.  Then on yesterday (Sunday) we returned back to Ft. Bragg, went to pick our fur baby from my brother in law’s house and we stood there for a while hanging out in the pool with his niece and nephew. 

What’s the next step? I have to wait for AF to arrive so that we can start all over again. How do I feel it?  Discouraged and negative.  Although Dr. P had told me that I have a 98.9% chance to get pregnant with IUI; I just feel unenthusiastic of this whole treatment.  I just still cannot understand how there are so many woman that don’t want babies and yet get pregnant with a blink of an eye and here we are so many TTC sisters that struggle and suffer because we can’t.  But I try to hold on to my husband’s faith this man is the most positive man I have ever know and I thank God for him. 

Dr. P wants me to try two more times and if it’s negative, we will be jumping straight to IVF; something that I still haven’t processed in my head yet; I’m still in that discourage phase.  I know I have the support of my husband, our families and close friends; there is still pain in my heart that I am not ready to handle.  And I know I should be more positive and continue to pray and not lose hope but sometimes it is easier said than done.   

I want to thank all of those that had us in your prayers, for the support and kind words. This is not an easy journey but it sure does make it easier when you have beautiful, sincere people sending us positive vibes.

Are You A Nagging Wife?

Via

Have you ever sat down to evaluate yourself and realized that you actually are a nagging wife?  I was sitting down a while back and I sure did realize I was one of those constantly complaining wives.  See, every time I saw something I did not like from my husband I would nag him about it.  I was thinking that if I nagged he would change; not realizing that in the future this could have damaged our relationship.  When we got married I wasn’t going to church but I knew that somewhere in the bible it said “wives submit to your husband” and there is another part that said something about “being better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman”.

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

-Proverbs21:19

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

-Ephesians5:21-33

Now you believe me?  Well continuing… I would continuously nag to my husband “you’re not doing this, you’re not doing that, why are you this way, you need to change and so on”.  I wanted him to grow (NO, actually I wanted him to be how I imagined marriage to be). 

Did I change? Yes!!! Was it hard?  Extremely hard!!!

I have to thank God every day because my husband ignored my nagging.  I know he would get upset his face would say it all but he never once argued with me.  And I’m thankful for that, he had patience with me.  How did I change?  I began to have a personal relationship with God. I wanted to grow deeper and walk with Christ; I wanted God to be the center of my marriage. I began to communicate instead of nagging. I saw better results when I spoke in a smooth way rather than in an arguing way. 

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” 

-James 1:19-20

Once I began to talk to my husband with gentleness, I stopped nagging and belittling him, once I started to pray for me to change I needed that change, I SAW HIM CHANGE.  He started doing things on his own; I didn’t need to ask for help.  To me it was a miracle.

Ladies… if you constantly nag, belittle and embarrass/humiliate your husband, he will never change but the situation will get worst.  Now if let him know how thankful you are that he’s in your life, that he’s a hard worker, how happy you are because he fixed something or just happy because he’s home with you BELIEVE me he will change on its own.

Remember it takes two to make a marriage work and you have your flaws too.  Nobody is perfect therefore you are not perfect.  Don’t expect a perfect man.  Your husband (at least I know mine does) has to deal with the world and other people nagging on him all day, the last thing he wants is to open the door of your home and hear you nagging at him too. 

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord

 -Proverbs18:22

Qualities I Desired In A Husband

I remember back in 2007 when I got divorced, I cried and I got rebellious and when I say rebellious I mean it in every way of the meaning of Rebellious. It was in 2011 that I started reflecting on my life; deep down inside I wanted to have the perfect marriage, a family, someone I can be proud of and that person would be proud of me as well.  Someone that I can cook for, clean for and make them happy (yes, I wanted to be a wife).

(Me in Puerto Rico 2011)

 One night I began to pray, and I decided to write on my journal a list of the qualities I wanted in a man.  And I made myself sure that I had those same qualities as well.   I knew for a fact that he would not have all the qualities on my list, but if he had more than 50% I would be more than happy and willing to marry that man of course that was with the approval of God, and my parents.  Now some may say “parents” -- “but you are divorced and in your 30’s why would parents have to approve?”  In my case, I DO take decisions based on my believes but even though I’m in my 30’s I always seek my parents approval in some of my decisions.

Here’s my 2011 list:

He must love JESUS

He must be clean

He must be faithful

He must be sensitive

He must be affectionate

He must be a hard worker

He must be a family person

He must be secure of himself

He must have a positive attitude 

He must not have a temper or aggressive

He must make me his priority (after Jesus of course)

He must be attractive (white, tall, black hair, well dressed, always smelling good)

He must remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (a lil gift wouldn't be bad either) 

He must not be a sexist (a person that believes that a woman was born to serve them)

He must be a gentlemen (yes I’m old school, I like the open doors, holding hands kinda stuff)

I knew I wasn't going to get all of these qualities, you see I always use to say that physically he had to have black hair and I ended up with a red head (bald), with tons of freckles which I love. 

Although God granted me basically all the specifications I was looking in a man, I have to say marriage is not as easy as it looks.  If you let yourself go by what you see on the media (facebook/twitter) you will drive yourself nuts when you get married.  See, people put on a facade of how their marriage is peaches and cream.  Well sorry to break it to ya but IT IS NOT.   You will have differences (remember you are both two different individuals), you will fight or have a discussion if you want to put it pretty (as long as there is no violence involved) I’d say you can past the test. 

And REMEMBER:

1.  Dating/Courting is not the same as marriage.  When you’re courting you may see some of the flaws of that person; but when you’re married, when you live with that person 24/7 you get to see basically all of them.  It’s just a matter of focusing on the good things, having great communication and keep in mind YOU HAVE FLAWS TOO.

2.  Marriage is sacred.  Don’t let a third party give their opinion, and NEVER open doors to temptation.  My mom would always say “The Devil Is A Pig” and indeed she is right.  You will have situations where either you want to get out, you’ll be tempted by others to do things.  When these things happen PRAY, PRAY & PRAY.

3.  Marriage is like a roller-coaster you will definitely have your ups and downs – just make the best out of it and enjoy the ride.

I have a thing with duck faces lol

Every Great Love Story Begins Somewhere

On November 2011 I was hanging out with whom at that time was my roommate, looking for a good spot to eat.  I had presented her one of my friends via facebook and they had kept communications so that they he called her and asked her to put me on the phone.  So, we started chatting and he asked if I was single, at that time I was “dating” someone but it wasn't official since he never asked me to be his girlfriend, so I said yes.  Right there he tells me he was next to his best friend and he wanted me to get to know him because he was a good man. 

I told him I wasn't interested in meeting anyone at that moment, but he kept insisting telling me how he looked physically, and that he was mature, respectful and looking for a serious relationship.  So I asked him to send me a picture of his friend, and to my luck, I had been looking at this guys picture for the longest on facebook in my friends page.  I always thought to myself that he was very handsome but yet again he's in the Army and there's no way I would date or look at any military man.  Anyway continuing... I told my friend to give him my number and in less than a minute we were already texting.  Then it became constant phone calls until he finally decided to call me through facetime.

Like I had said before, I was seeing someone and I decided not to talk to Josean (my husband) anymore.  So I literally ignored all his text messages, his calls I simply erased him out of my life.  On January I decided I was better off alone and after several misunderstandings with the person I was dating we officially stopped seeing each other.

And yes, I contacted Josean again; this time he was the one that ignored my calls and my text messages so I stopped.  I began to pray and asked God so many questions, what was I doing wrong to deserve this emptiness I was feeling inside my heart.  And there it was a mysterious call telling me he was in Puerto Rico on vacations and wanted to meet me in person. 

So, I accepted, we met at a gas station because I did not want to go out to dinner, or to his family’s house or mine.  That day we talked so much we were like 3 hours on a nonstop conversation and I was so nervous it was obvious.  We basically hung out for 2 whole weeks and before he left my words were “I am not a booty call, I’m looking for a serious relationship, I feel like a flower that everybody looks yet they just walk away”.  And  Josean then told me, “I know you are scared, but if you let me I will protect you like the most valuable flower that has ever existed”.  I told him “flowers die after a while” and he said “there is something about you that I know will keep this love growing”.  (He only get’s my fake flowers now and I LOVE THEM)

LOVE??? I mean this guys doesn't even know me but indeed it was the most passionate, sincere love I have ever experienced.  We officially started dating January 27^th, 2012.  We were on a long distance relationship for 8 months.  Where we would face-time, text, and email each other and we traveled 3 times to see each other.  

When We First Met

But there was a burden inside of me, I continued to pray and one day the only words that came out of my mouth was “we cannot continue with this long distance relationship”  we were spending money and to me our time.  I trusted him but I just didn't feel like continuing with something that to me was going to end up breaking my heart.  And there it was only 4 words came out of his mouth “WILL YOU MARRY ME”. 

Of course I said yes and on September 7, 2012 we became one.  We got married by court, and on December 12, 2012 I moved to North Carolina. 

Married through court

Yes we had a short relationship, but we know that God put each other together for a reason.

Thanksgiving Recap

I hope you all had a beautiful, peaceful and blessed Thanksgiving Day.  As for me I have to admit that I am proud of myself.  I seasoned our Turkey, and I did Corn Pudding for the first time.  And I'm glad that everybody loved it.  We had a get together at my brother in law's house.  We all gave thanks and we stuffed ourselves.  After dinner the hubs wanted to go to Walmart and we got a couple of stuff for the house.  He also wanted to get the Christmas Spirit started at our place and although we will not be spending Christmas in NC I let him get our first Christmas Tree.  It's simple yet makes our living room look nice and cozy.  So, here's a lil view of what went on.  

Letting Go

And when I say I’m LETTING GO, I’m not letting go of our dream to become parents.  I’m letting go of being so negative on the fact that we haven’t been able to conceive, on getting upset at the world, blaming everybody else for my situations.  I would tend to get upset when people would ask why at my age I don’t have a child.  Yes, it’s an annoying question, I hate it and I try not to be rude about it.  But that’s what this post is about letting go the negative answers.  I want to be polite, make people understand that it’s not that we don’t want too; it’s that we can’t right now.  The other question I really hate the most is… Don’t stress yourself when you least expect it you will get pregnant.  Maybe it’s true, but nobody is inside of me to feel the pain I feel.  Others ask me why don’t I start an infertility treatment and forget about natural supplements. 

Anyway, for now I’m just going to focus on:

1.   Marriage – I want it to be more stable that what it is.  Yes there has been rough times in our marriage (all marriage goes through this), but we can make everything stronger with love.  I have missed out to many things in my marriage this first year, because I was desperate trying to conceive.  So it’s time to relax, enjoy marriage, enjoy sex (yes I said it lol) and have fun.

2.   My health – I haven’t been careful at all with my health.  I let myself go and gained like 15 pounds ever since I moved.  I started exercising then I quit, I began again and this time I’m focused and determined to get to my goal weight.

3.   Family – Although they are miles away from me, my goal is to send them care packages, and try to see them often.  I also want to try to create a good bond between my family and my husband’s family.  I had sort of had built this wall where I didn’t want to bond with his family because I didn’t want to suffer and give my all.  But I realized my marriage is so strong at this point I should give in a little of me and see how it goes from there. 

4.   Friends – In certain cases friendship may not last a long period of time and might end or lose its prime importance of love and regard for each other.  There are some friendships that have ended with unresolved conflicts, which mean that it wasn’t strong enough to hold on in adversity and bad times.  But friendship isn’t about who left but about who stays with you in each and every storm.  I know I have a bad temper, at times my situations makes me push away the people I care of, but only those who understand me have stayed.  I’m focusing on those who stay and I’m more than grateful because it’s not easy trying to hold on to so many situations at once.  I’m not going to dwell on the fact that I’ve trusted people with my deepest secrets and our friendship maybe has come to an end but at the same time I have to thank God because if they are not in my life anymore is because maybe they were never meant to be. 

And well, this is all I mean about “Letting Go”.  I’m going to try and enjoy the remaining of 2013, stress free/drama free.  I think God is using this hard experience in my life to build me up, make me stronger.  I haven’t figured it out yet but I sure am going to stop questioning his purpose in my life.  For now I consider I found my peace!!!   It may last a day, a week, a month or maybe two but I’m at peace now.  Maybe within time I’ll have a baby of my own, or maybe it’s not what God has for me maybe he’s preparing us to become parents in another way, all I know is that whatever it is, in His time it will be wonderful and perfect.  

Just Because

So on Wednesday, while working I received a beautiful and tasty Edible Arrangement with lots of chocolate covered strawberries, apples and pineapples, with a simple note that said “I LOVE YOU FOREVER”.  Later that day when I got home from work my husband arrives with another box of chocolate cover strawberries and a fake yet smelly rose (for those who know me very well like him know that I don’t like real flowers only fake ones that can last a life time and not die the next day).  Of course I jumped on top of him and gave him hugs and smooches; and I finally asked him “what did you do?  Why are you so sweet and giving today, it’s not our Anniversary, Monthaversary, Birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day”. 

His response was: “I’ve been wanting to do this because you are my wife, because you have been there for me always, because you support me and my decisions, you respect my job, you have forgiven my flaws, because you make me feel perfect even though I’m not, because you are a hard working woman, because you keep food on the table and you make this house complete.  Simply because I Love You and you deserve this and more.

I was slapped in the face, mouth wide open, shocked.  I love this man.  Yes, we’ve had our situations (no marriage is perfect), sometimes we just want to go different ways, but then you look back and you think, this is what I really want.  To me, in my eyes there is not and will not be anyone better that God could have put in my life to be my husband.  We are human being, we make mistakes every day.  We just have to learn to forgive and forget, we have to learn to become a better person to ourselves and our marriage and make the best out of life, marriage and family. 

So remember ladies & gentlemen you do not have to wait for a special day to surprise your loved one, you can take any moment to let them know you are thinking of them, that you appreciate them and that you love them.  Wear your heart on your forehead; let the whole wide world and God that you love your Spouse. 

Happy Friday!

 

New Journey 2012

Sorry I haven't been posting on my blog lately.  After moving to North Carolina I've been trying to cope, organize and enjoy myself and my husband.  But guess what???  I'm baaaack!

So here's a little recap of what I have been doing ever since I moved.   

While we settled down in our new home my FABULOUS husband tried to make me feel comfortable and he took me out to rollerblade.  This is the only picture I will post because I am TERRIBLE at rollerblading lol.

On Christmas Eve we went to my Brother in Law's house and spent it there, we danced and had fun then came home.  My presents well my boo got me a charm for my Pandora and a perfume I was bragging about since I moved.

New Years Eve was in my Brother in Law's house as well, we shared with my husband's family.  Besides the fact that it was my first year spending it without my family I can say that I felt good and welcomed.  

And last but not least these two special persons that you see here are my parents, my loved ones and the two persons I've been missing the most ever since I moved.  

This is it for now.  I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and New Years and please declare this new 2013 yours, be happy, respect one another and love your life and cherish it.