And when I say I’m LETTING GO, I’m not letting go of our dream to become parents. I’m letting go of being so negative on the fact that we haven’t been able to conceive, on getting upset at the world, blaming everybody else for my situations. I would tend to get upset when people would ask why at my age I don’t have a child. Yes, it’s an annoying question, I hate it and I try not to be rude about it. But that’s what this post is about letting go the negative answers. I want to be polite, make people understand that it’s not that we don’t want too; it’s that we can’t right now. The other question I really hate the most is… Don’t stress yourself when you least expect it you will get pregnant. Maybe it’s true, but nobody is inside of me to feel the pain I feel. Others ask me why don’t I start an infertility treatment and forget about natural supplements.
Anyway, for now I’m just going to focus on:
1. Marriage – I want it to be more stable that what it is. Yes there has been rough times in our marriage (all marriage goes through this), but we can make everything stronger with love. I have missed out to many things in my marriage this first year, because I was desperate trying to conceive. So it’s time to relax, enjoy marriage, enjoy sex (yes I said it lol) and have fun.
2. My health – I haven’t been careful at all with my health. I let myself go and gained like 15 pounds ever since I moved. I started exercising then I quit, I began again and this time I’m focused and determined to get to my goal weight.
3. Family – Although they are miles away from me, my goal is to send them care packages, and try to see them often. I also want to try to create a good bond between my family and my husband’s family. I had sort of had built this wall where I didn’t want to bond with his family because I didn’t want to suffer and give my all. But I realized my marriage is so strong at this point I should give in a little of me and see how it goes from there.
4. Friends – In certain cases friendship may not last a long period of time and might end or lose its prime importance of love and regard for each other. There are some friendships that have ended with unresolved conflicts, which mean that it wasn’t strong enough to hold on in adversity and bad times. But friendship isn’t about who left but about who stays with you in each and every storm. I know I have a bad temper, at times my situations makes me push away the people I care of, but only those who understand me have stayed. I’m focusing on those who stay and I’m more than grateful because it’s not easy trying to hold on to so many situations at once. I’m not going to dwell on the fact that I’ve trusted people with my deepest secrets and our friendship maybe has come to an end but at the same time I have to thank God because if they are not in my life anymore is because maybe they were never meant to be.
And well, this is all I mean about “Letting Go”. I’m going to try and enjoy the remaining of 2013, stress free/drama free. I think God is using this hard experience in my life to build me up, make me stronger. I haven’t figured it out yet but I sure am going to stop questioning his purpose in my life. For now I consider I found my peace!!! It may last a day, a week, a month or maybe two but I’m at peace now. Maybe within time I’ll have a baby of my own, or maybe it’s not what God has for me maybe he’s preparing us to become parents in another way, all I know is that whatever it is, in His time it will be wonderful and perfect.