Yesterday was a horrible day for me; I was all tears for so many reasons. For starters this is my first thanksgiving away from my family, and what has been breaking me down the most and I've been trying to hide it, is the fact of not being able to conceive. I at times hold my head up high and I let everyone know I have faith that some day we will become parents, but deep down my heart is broken into so many little pieces. And yesterday was the breakdown for me. I had so many things in my head, from family, marriage and baby issues. And while I was working I kept on saying WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT FROM ME LORD? Funny part I never thought he would answer. He answered me through so many people I cried even more. See I’m a very open person, throughout the years I've learned that saying the truth is worth so much more than lying. So lately I was questioning my faith and God’s existence. I was so angry on how life is. I questioned the fact that there are so many women that have unwanted babies, kills them, and rapes them; and yet here we desire a family and nothing happens. How could this be possible? Why these things happen? Where is God when things like this are happening? Why us? These were all my questions, I was angry, I was depressed, and crying, you name it there is no words to describe how I've been feeling. But like I said; yesterday was the day my Lord answered all my questions.
Below is the sequence of how He answered. I’m amazed and I have asked for forgiveness so many times because I doubted. I doubted the Lord, I doubted His promise, and I doubted His existence.
In short words my cousin told me she would carry my baby
Then my friend Marieliz posted this on Instagram
My other friend Michelle posted this on her Facebook
Ecclesiastes 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
And to end the night a Pastor I follow on Facebook posted this
Then I had other situations disturbing my head, I was emotionally wrecked and between conversations with my mother and my friend I felt a lot better. See in just one day I received so many messages from different people and I know for a fact it was God talking to me. As I’m typing tears just come out because I’m just simply amazed on how wonderful God is. I can say that I’m still emotionally broken but for the first time after so many years I can say I have accepted Christ not just by words but by heart, I have accepted Him to rule and take over my life. I have accepted Him to do His will. Let Him take charge of my life and let me obey what He has for my life. My Dad always told me to kneel down and pray and I would say “yes yes I will” but then I would forget or simply didn't want too, and for the first time yesterday I got on my knees and prayed. Like I said in a previous post of mine I don’t know what plans the Lord has for me, but I will patiently wait, pray and have faith that He will provide in His own way.
Happy Wednesday, Happy Long Day Weekend & most important Happy Thanksgiving!!!