My Broken Heart

When our life faces certain situations, when people you love are going through horrible health difficulties, we may put up a brave face before them. We may act as if we have the biggest faith and hope and we manage to keep our composure. But then there is a moment when your heart can't deal no more and you burst into tears.  Where you feel you have lost everything and you realize that YES your heart is completely broken. 

On mid July I found out that my aunt was diagnosed with cancer or metastasis.  For years I have considered her like a second mom.  There were things I did not dare tell my mom and there she was to listen to my nonsense.  And now finding out that she has maybe a couple of months with us literally is killing me.  Not only the pain of losing her but seeing how my mother, my life, my all, is deteriorating little by little is killing me even more.  My aunt and mother are more than sisters; they are best friends.  They’ve done literally everything together and I know my mom is hurting and is trying to act strong when she talks to me.  Living abroad has made it a little harder for me to deal with this situation because it’s not like flights are affordable especially in this season. 

(my aunt on the left with my mom)

And then there is my husband.  Since living in North Carolina we new he was having some sort of situation with his kidney.  But doctors never said if it was serious and just told him to drink more water.  Three weeks ago they ran a couple of tests and sonograms on J and the doctor was too concerned he decided to do a Kidney Biopsy on him.  So this past week we were in the hospital for a couple of days.  Thank God the biopsy went well and now we are awaiting the results. 

(my forever love)

So my lovely readers please keep my family and I in your prayers.   

Our First IVF Consultation

(Taken from Pinterest)

For approximately two months now we’ve been having our IVF consultations via email.  Why? 

1.  The clinic is in Chez Republic and it’s approximately 8 hours driving distance from where we live.

2.  I have my 100% trust and faith in this clinic.  (All the ladies I’ve met with different diagnosis has gotten pregnant from their first IVF.  Now I know that every person is different my I never lose my faith).

So for starters our very own first IVF will be in December.  Thank God Tricare covers all my blood test and I spoke to my primary care doctor in our military clinic.  She made the referral for my blood tests (Hormone Level, STD’s, Hepatitis and HIV).  Because military clinics works in different ways hubs has to talk to his primary care doctor for his blood works plus a Semen Analysis. 

Because of my Hypothyroid Issues and my Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome (PCOS) unfortunately till this day I’m on CD42 and began medroxyprogesterone (Provera) on Tuesday.  Once I begin my cycle I’ll be doing my blood tests on CD2 and begin the birth control pills once my clinic notifies me.  Therefore I’ll be on BC pills beginning August until we start injections and all.  And I will continue taking my Metformin and Prenatal Vitamins. 

It feels so surreal to know that soon we will begin IVF. And I know that soon God will let the hubs and I have a baby of our own. Who knows maybe this time next year there could be three or even four of us! 

Move Forward, Never Look Back

Where I come from there is a say that goes:  "En la vida...siempre hacia delante, para atrás... ni para tomar impulso porque hacia atrás las cosas van solas, no hace falta que las ayudes." Which means:  “In life... keep moving forward, never look back... not even to get a running start, because things tend to move backwards all by themselves, there's no need to help them along.”

Since November 11, 2012 I began to write my thoughts, and share my life in this blog.  My intention with this blog was to write about how I left Puerto Rico to begin a journey with my husband and our traveling adventures.  But then later on I also began to blog about my health, PCOS/Infertility issues, treatment and journey towards baby Millan.  

I have been going through a lot this past month between one of my beloved aunts fighting for her life against cancer and being so far away, my thyroid and PCOS issues (gaining weight), and last my infertility issues. 

I had lost interest on my blog, I was writing maybe once a month, yes I would go in and read my favorite blogs but I wasn’t interested in posting anything.  So I was thinking about closing my blog.  But after several weeks debating, I decided to continue and write with the spirit and love I have always written.

So for all those who follow and read my small blog I’ll continue to share our life experience with PCOS, Army Life, Traveling, Family, Spiritual and our Fertility Journey.    

I am beyond grateful for those of you who read my blog, and who have prayed and continue to pray for both the Mr. and I and I hope that God uses this tool to encourage others going through related journeys.