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Yesterday was one of those days where I found myself “lost”. I wanted a hug and a word of encouragement from my mother. I needed to feel protected and wrapped around my daddy’s arms. Yes, I have my husband, but yesterday it was like a homesick feeling (so I thought). I had my head spinning thinking about everything that I’ve been through my entire life. And to be honest I felt like I’ve been walking through this journey called life aimlessly. I see how everybody else has accomplished their dreams and yet here I am. Yes, I have a job. Yes, I’m happily married. Yes, I have a family that adores me and I adore them. But then comes the part where I feel completely empty. That maybe nobody understands but me.
Then I wonder and pray what is my purpose in this life? Why am I here? I have this special friend of mine that I can talk too (Mare), this woman has inspired me in so many ways. She has given me words of encouragement that has made me connect more with God. I’m not going to lie to anyone at times I pray and I think my words are going away with the wind. I don’t get any answers, and I get frustrated wondering should I just keep praying for nothing. And that’s when everything changes. I was reading some scriptures in the baby when bam, right in my face…
“You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God”. Exodus 20:4-5
Now here is where I began to ask: JEALOUS!!! Why would God be jealous and I answered my own question!!!
1. I was giving my husband, my marriage priority before the Lord. I’ve been idolizing my husband, and it’s not bad to see him as the perfect man I see of course in your eyes. But God gave him to me, I prayed he answered and I abandoned Him after. Therefore he can take him away whenever he wants.
2. I’ve been seeking for a child for quite some time now, and as much as I prayed, I wasn’t praying with faith, it’s in His timing not in mine yet I keep getting mad every time a treatment doesn’t work, or when I see pregnant ladies walking around.
So yes God is a jealous God. We have to put Him before all else. On January 1st, 2014 one of my goals was to have a strong relationship with God and we are in March, and I have not done what I said I was. Yesterday was a day where God was breaking me into pieces; it was an excruciating pain that only I can understand. He wants me, He desires my heart, my soul, my prayers. He wants me to believe in Him, to have faith, patience, and love in my heart. He wants me to be faithful to put him first before anything.
I want to honor God but how? That was my question last night and yes I got the answers.
Repent, Be Saved & Give your all – Acts 3:19-20 Repent, then, and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you – even Jesus. Let the old you die and let the new you be born according God’s will.
Spend Time & Listen to God – I asked Mare (my friend I spoke to you earlier before) how do you listen to God, how would He talk to me. Her answer was SPEND TIME WITH HIM, pray, read the bible and He will talk to you.
Be Thankful – Yes, be thankful. I may not be able to conceive at this moment, but I have health, I have two legs to walk, to hands touch, I heart that is beating, eyes to see and I can talk.
There are so many bible verses about God’s timing but every time I feel in a desperate need of His confirmation, these two bible verse are the ones that I have stuck in my heart for ever.
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.
God does things in His time, and not when we think it is time. It may take weeks, months, or even years later. The importance here is to patiently wait. It’s not easy but it’s all worth it.