Have you ever felt as if you were heading directly down the drain? Well that’s how I was feeling this past week. I completely shut myself down from writing and basically just blocked myself from everything and everyone. Story long/short on Friday April 4, 2014; I had a doctor’s appointment where I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and thanks to this decease the only way I can conceive is with IUI or IVF.
Hypothyroidism means your thyroid is not making enough thyroid hormone. Having a low level of thyroid hormone affects your whole body. It can make you feel tired and weak; you may have dry skin, constipation, memory problems, irregular menstrual periods (0 ovulation), sporadic mood swings and excessive amount of overweight.
I can say I cried during my consultation with the doctor, and all weekend. I explained to the doctor how constantly I would have mood swings and how I had gained so much weight (30 pounds to be exact) from December until this day; and that I was frustrated because I was doing diets and exercising and yet I would continue to gain. And that’s when he told me that I wasn’t going to lose any weight until I began medication; he also gave me a huge list of foods I can’t and can consume.
In my eyes I felt as if everything was over. It may sound a little exaggerated but if you were in my shoes you would totally understand what it feels like to have to intake medication for life and totally change a lifestyle you were already accustomed too. And then the fact that I can’t conceive like any other normal person could was breaking my heart.
God has surrounded me with an amazing husband, family and friends. I’ve got so many words of encouragement and motivation. I realized shit I’m alive. This is my time to prove myself that I can. I can wake up at 5am and do a ½ hour jog with my beautiful friend Jules. I can start eating healthy and forget about sweets. And most of all I have an amazing man by my side who is willing to do whatever is in God's hand for us to have a child.
Jules & I
My lesson learned for this past week is: