Letting God Take Over My Life

Yesterday was a horrible day for me; I was all tears for so many reasons.  For starters this is my first thanksgiving away from my family, and what has been breaking me down the most and I've been trying to hide it, is the fact of not being able to conceive.  I at times hold my head up high and I let everyone know I have faith that some day we will become parents, but deep down my heart is broken into so many little pieces.  And yesterday was the breakdown for me.  I had so many things in my head, from family, marriage and baby issues.  And while I was working I kept on saying WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT FROM ME LORD? Funny part I never thought he would answer.  He answered me through so many people I cried even more.  See I’m a very open person, throughout the years I've learned that saying the truth is worth so much more than lying.  So lately I was questioning my faith and God’s existence. I was so angry on how life is.  I questioned the fact that there are so many women that have unwanted babies, kills them, and rapes them; and yet here we desire a family and nothing happens.  How could this be possible?  Why these things happen? Where is God when things like this are happening?  Why us?  These were all my questions, I was angry, I was depressed, and crying, you name it there is no words to describe how I've been feeling.  But like I said; yesterday was the day my Lord answered all my questions.

Below is the sequence of how He answered.  I’m amazed and I have asked for forgiveness so many times because I doubted.  I doubted the Lord, I doubted His promise, and I doubted His existence.  

In short words my cousin told me she would carry my baby

Then my friend Marieliz posted this on Instagram

My other friend Michelle posted this on her Facebook 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

 And to end the night a Pastor I follow on Facebook posted this

Then I had other situations disturbing my head, I was emotionally wrecked and between conversations with my mother and my friend I felt a lot better.  See in just one day I received so many messages from different people and I know for a fact it was God talking to me.  As I’m typing tears just come out because I’m just simply amazed on how wonderful God is.  I can say that I’m still emotionally broken but for the first time after so many years I can say I have accepted Christ not just by words but by heart, I have accepted Him to rule and take over my life.  I have accepted Him to do His will.  Let Him take charge of my life and let me obey what He has for my life.  My Dad always told me to kneel down and pray and I would say “yes yes I will” but then I would forget or simply didn't want too, and for the first time yesterday I got on my knees and prayed.  Like I said in a previous post of mine I don’t know what plans the Lord has for me, but I will patiently wait, pray and have faith that He will provide in His own way. 

Happy Wednesday, Happy Long Day Weekend & most important Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Sweater Weather: TAG

I saw this TAG and I thought it would be fun to do.  So here it is, a few things of my fall favorites:

Favorite candle scent?

Mahogany Teakwood from Bath and Body Works; I haven’t changed this scent for a while.  For some reason it reminds me of Abercrombie & Fitch, and the smell to me is aphrodisiac lol.  

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?

I’m a coffee drinker in the mornings and either tea or hot chocolate at night. 

Do you switch up your makeup routine for the season?

Yes!  I use pastel colors for the summer and darker eye shadows and burgundy lipsticks for fall/winter.  I also use more moisturizer on my face to keep it from getting dry during the colder weather.

Favorite Thanksgiving food?

Turkey, “arroz con gandules” (rice and pigeon peas), potato salad, “pasteles” and corn bread.  Oh let’s not forget sweets, some homemade pumpkin pie.     

Hats or scarves?

Scarves! My husband has been trying to convince me to buy a hat but for some reason I’m just not into them.

Most worn sweater?

I would have to say my Express sweater it’s cute and confy and warm!    

Must have Fall nail polish?

OPI Lincoln Park After Dark this has been my summer, fall, winter you name it color, I love it.  

Football games or jumping in a pile of leaves?

I’d honestly have to say none.  But I do support my husband’s team when he watches the games GOOOOO GIANTS

Skinny jeans or leggings?

Skinny Jeans all the way, I think I owe like one pair of leggings. 

Boots or Uggs?

Boots, I don’t like uggs they get ugly after a certain amount of use.  And I dislike ugly.

What is your #1 favorite thing about Fall?

I’d have to say the colors.  I love how the trees look all nice and orange, red and yellow it’s just peaceful to my eyes.

Just look at that tree how amazingly beautiful

Do you have a song that gets you in the Fall mood or just a song you're loving at the moment?

I don’t have any song in particular.

What is the Fall weather like where you currently live?

Currently, in Fayetteville it is 49 degrees and it’s raining L

Hope you enjoyed this TAG, and let’s see who does it now lol it would be nice to see what you’re into during the fall!

Early Thanksgiving!

Since I know for a fact that I will be extremely busy the day before Thanksgiving and the same day well, HAPPY EARLY THANKSGIVING!!! I want to begin by saying that in my humble opinion Thanksgiving Day should be every day.  We should give thanks every day for what we have, for what is yet to come and just because we are breathing, I know I do.  But since this is my first Thanksgiving blogging I want to post what I am grateful for:

My relationship with God ~ I can finally say that I overcame that anger I had.  I mean who am I to get angry at God, He has the answers to every question I have and although some are not answered yet I now know He has a purpose in my life.

My marriage ~ They say the first year is the worst, and indeed it is.  I am not that type of person to say that I’m in the best of marriage, because nobody is. Although I can say this year has brought us closer to each other between tears, sorrow, anger and happiness.  And in God’s name I declare the best years to come.

My family ~ This is my first year celebrating Thanksgiving without my family.  It has been hard and depressing but I have to admit distance has made me appreciate more my father and my mother. Their unconditional love is unexplainable and I will forever be grateful for having these two in my life.  I also have to admit that I’m glad I have a special bond with my sisters, we fight, we curse each other out, but those two are a piece of me.

My job ~ Because finally I’m in an environment that I love doing what I love.

My friends ~ I honestly have to thank Wilmary, Solimar, Desiree and Carla, and although these two are my cousin I have to include them, Cynthia and Joselly; because all of these ladies have seen my cry at my worst, and yet they listen and always had a positive word to encourage me to keep my hopes up.  It’s something I have to give thanks for.  Thank you ladies!!!

My health ~ Becoming a health freak has been a fun journey in the past month.  I've found the best recipes that my husband and I both enjoy.  And going to gym as a couple has been fun (I have to admit we make fun of each other).  I can finally say bye bye to those bitches (pounds) that were killing me lmao (I will post my routine and nutrition plan on another post).  My vacations start next month, and I know it will be a total disaster, I miss my momma’s food plus its Holidays I’ll eat everything they make.  So, once I return I will continue eating healthy and exercising.

    Knela ~ Some people may find this weird but I’m grateful to have this little dog/fur baby in my life.  She’s like a baby to me.  And it’s amazing how at times “animals” can be more faithful than a human being.  I mean I can yell at her now (for breaking my garbage bags lol) and 1 minute later she’s following me everywhere I go.  I love her to pieces.  Plus even though she’s a tiny toy poodle she defends me from anyone.  I LOVE HER.

     To all my blog ladies and all my readers thank you and enjoy your Thanksgiving Day.  

    

Letting Go

And when I say I’m LETTING GO, I’m not letting go of our dream to become parents.  I’m letting go of being so negative on the fact that we haven’t been able to conceive, on getting upset at the world, blaming everybody else for my situations.  I would tend to get upset when people would ask why at my age I don’t have a child.  Yes, it’s an annoying question, I hate it and I try not to be rude about it.  But that’s what this post is about letting go the negative answers.  I want to be polite, make people understand that it’s not that we don’t want too; it’s that we can’t right now.  The other question I really hate the most is… Don’t stress yourself when you least expect it you will get pregnant.  Maybe it’s true, but nobody is inside of me to feel the pain I feel.  Others ask me why don’t I start an infertility treatment and forget about natural supplements. 

Anyway, for now I’m just going to focus on:

1.   Marriage – I want it to be more stable that what it is.  Yes there has been rough times in our marriage (all marriage goes through this), but we can make everything stronger with love.  I have missed out to many things in my marriage this first year, because I was desperate trying to conceive.  So it’s time to relax, enjoy marriage, enjoy sex (yes I said it lol) and have fun.

2.   My health – I haven’t been careful at all with my health.  I let myself go and gained like 15 pounds ever since I moved.  I started exercising then I quit, I began again and this time I’m focused and determined to get to my goal weight.

3.   Family – Although they are miles away from me, my goal is to send them care packages, and try to see them often.  I also want to try to create a good bond between my family and my husband’s family.  I had sort of had built this wall where I didn’t want to bond with his family because I didn’t want to suffer and give my all.  But I realized my marriage is so strong at this point I should give in a little of me and see how it goes from there. 

4.   Friends – In certain cases friendship may not last a long period of time and might end or lose its prime importance of love and regard for each other.  There are some friendships that have ended with unresolved conflicts, which mean that it wasn’t strong enough to hold on in adversity and bad times.  But friendship isn’t about who left but about who stays with you in each and every storm.  I know I have a bad temper, at times my situations makes me push away the people I care of, but only those who understand me have stayed.  I’m focusing on those who stay and I’m more than grateful because it’s not easy trying to hold on to so many situations at once.  I’m not going to dwell on the fact that I’ve trusted people with my deepest secrets and our friendship maybe has come to an end but at the same time I have to thank God because if they are not in my life anymore is because maybe they were never meant to be. 

And well, this is all I mean about “Letting Go”.  I’m going to try and enjoy the remaining of 2013, stress free/drama free.  I think God is using this hard experience in my life to build me up, make me stronger.  I haven’t figured it out yet but I sure am going to stop questioning his purpose in my life.  For now I consider I found my peace!!!   It may last a day, a week, a month or maybe two but I’m at peace now.  Maybe within time I’ll have a baby of my own, or maybe it’s not what God has for me maybe he’s preparing us to become parents in another way, all I know is that whatever it is, in His time it will be wonderful and perfect.  

Just Because

So on Wednesday, while working I received a beautiful and tasty Edible Arrangement with lots of chocolate covered strawberries, apples and pineapples, with a simple note that said “I LOVE YOU FOREVER”.  Later that day when I got home from work my husband arrives with another box of chocolate cover strawberries and a fake yet smelly rose (for those who know me very well like him know that I don’t like real flowers only fake ones that can last a life time and not die the next day).  Of course I jumped on top of him and gave him hugs and smooches; and I finally asked him “what did you do?  Why are you so sweet and giving today, it’s not our Anniversary, Monthaversary, Birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day”. 

His response was: “I’ve been wanting to do this because you are my wife, because you have been there for me always, because you support me and my decisions, you respect my job, you have forgiven my flaws, because you make me feel perfect even though I’m not, because you are a hard working woman, because you keep food on the table and you make this house complete.  Simply because I Love You and you deserve this and more.

I was slapped in the face, mouth wide open, shocked.  I love this man.  Yes, we’ve had our situations (no marriage is perfect), sometimes we just want to go different ways, but then you look back and you think, this is what I really want.  To me, in my eyes there is not and will not be anyone better that God could have put in my life to be my husband.  We are human being, we make mistakes every day.  We just have to learn to forgive and forget, we have to learn to become a better person to ourselves and our marriage and make the best out of life, marriage and family. 

So remember ladies & gentlemen you do not have to wait for a special day to surprise your loved one, you can take any moment to let them know you are thinking of them, that you appreciate them and that you love them.  Wear your heart on your forehead; let the whole wide world and God that you love your Spouse. 

Happy Friday!

 

Veterans Day

Each November 11, our nation commemorates Veterans Day. My husband is active duty in the Army so, being a wife of an active duty military member, this day is more than special to me.  I've been working since this morning, but this evening I’ll have a special dinner prepared for my sweetheart.  

Happy Veterans Day to my hunky hub, my uncles, and all those that have served.  May God Bless You All, and thank you so much for your service and defending our country!

Pumpkin Spice/Banana Mini Cake

Since we are in that time where it is all about pumpkin, I decided to try this healthy recipe, since I'm trying to loose weight for the upcoming Holidays.  This turned out to be delicious and surprisingly my hubs hates pumpkin and he totally loved it.  (I hid the pumpkin part after he ate it) lol.

Ingredients:

  1/2 tsp flax seed

  1 Tbsp water
  1 egg (for vegan, leave this out)
  2 Tbsp 100% pure pumpkin puree
  1/2 very ripe banana (ripeness makes a HUGE difference!)
  2 Tbsp pure maple syrup 
  1 Tbsp almond milk, unsweetened or regular
  1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
  1/4 cup almond flour
  1/4 tsp baking powder
  1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice + a little more if you love it like we do!
  A pinch of salt
  Butter, oil, or your preferred method to prevent sticking

Mix all the ingredients in a blender, I sprayed non-stick spray to a coffee mug, pour the mix. and microwave for approximately 5 minutes.  I divided my minutes I did 2.5 minutes checked it and then another 2.5 minutes and that would be it. 

It taste delicious and it's super healthy. 

Enjoy!!!

2013 New Year's Resolution Review

Hi Everyone!  Happy Tuesday!!!

Last year at about this time I made my 2013 New Year’s Resolutions.  I love the thought of having fresh goals in mind to begin a New Year.  I already have a list that I will be posting next week for my 2014 Resolution but here’s a little recap of how my 2013 Resolution has turned out so far:

1. Move in to a bigger apartment – When I moved to Fort Bragg we had a one bedroom apartment and with the hubs being in the Army, it was hard to keep the house clean with all his stuff.  So, I had set a goal to get a two bedroom apartment and although it’s in the same complex I love the fact that it’s bigger, prettier and with good neighbors. 
2. Girlfriends – I can say that this has been a very difficult for me.  Making friends in a new place was harder than what I had imagined.  Although I have met wonderful people, it hurts to see that 90% of the people I have met has turned out to be a downer. 
3. Office Job – When I started applying for jobs it was so depressing because being in a military town, jobs are very hard to find.  I gave up looking for Office Administration positions and had decided to work in anything as long as I had some income to help pay my mortgage.  So I began to work in Walmart, three months later I worked in Hendrick Fiat of Fayetteville, but God granted my prayers and I’m finally working as an Administrative Assistant in a Steel Company where I have the best coworkers and the best schedule. Oh and I got a little part time job just for the Holidays at my favorite store.  Isn’t that being blessed?
4. Celebrations – And by this I mean Holidays and Birthdays!  I have been able to celebrate Valentines, take mini vacations to Florida during the 4 day weekend holidays and most important celebrate my husband’s birthday (he deserved his party and gift).  I can’t wait for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. 
5. Health and Exercise – I had made a promise to eat healthy, no junk food and boy this has been the hardest. And let me not talk about exercising I totally suck at it.  But I began again let’s see where this one goes. 
6. Baby – Unfortunately this is by far the hardest for me at this time.  Although, I’m trying my best to keep my hopes up. I've made appointments with my OB/GYN and I’m doing a Natural Fertility Treatment as you know if you had read my past blog.  But still no bump.  In the meantime, I’m trying to maintain my faith and if it hasn't been in this year it will definitely be in my 2014 New Year’s Resolution.

These were my goals for this year, I’m finishing my checklist for the upcoming year and I will be sharing it soon.  

It's November - Five on Friday

Happy 1st Day of November!  Linking up for Five on Friday with DARCI.

Since it is Five on Friday after all…I’m sharing five of my photos from the people I've been missing lately and I'm literally dying to see.

[1]  My mother and father, these two are my life.  It's been almost a year without seeing them except through face-time and it is that time where I need from them physically. 

[2]  My sister Jessica.  We may fight, insult each other, not talk for days but oh how I love this woman.  Can't wait to see her and have some fun!!!

[3]  My sister/cousin Jossie.  This littler person right here always accepts me and my hunky hubs at her house every time I go to Florida.  And not only that she will be babysitting my Fiat during my trip to Puerto RIco :)

[4]  My other sister/cousin Cat.  Miss talking about fashion with her.

[5]  And here I introduce to all of you my fur baby Knela.  Unfortunately I will not be able to take her with me to Puerto Rico but I'm leaving her in good hands.